@Adar79Angie: When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
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@AndrewChamings: Break bad news to teens by talking on THEIR level. ME [spinning on chair in daughter’s room]: Yo, turns out grandma’s heart is weak af.
@SteveSuckington: Interviewer: why did you leave your last job? Me: hmm that's a tough one. I guess I'd probably have to say listening is my biggest strength
@sfreeze6: One time I accidentally listened to a John Mayer song & spontaneously generated 2 thumb rings before it was over.