@Adar79Angie: When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
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@PinkCamoTO: How can anyone focus on world peace when we can't even get everyone to use the same date format?
@ohheyohhihello: BELLHOP: May I take care of your bags? ME: Of course! BELLHOP: [gently applies seven layers of concealer under my eyes]
@TheHyyyype: [high] ME: dude, NASA faked the moon landing FRIEND: wait, u mean- ME: yep, the moon never landed at all, it's still out there somewhere
@popcorn_dog: [Dark room] **taco crunch** Employee [shines flashlight at me]: Sir you cannot eat in the planetarium **slow taco crunch**