@OctopusCaveman: When the going gets stupid, the stupid, stupid harder.
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@TheToddWilliams: [Emergency Room] MRS. PIÑATA: Will my husband make it, doc? DOCTOR: We'll do what we can but *slurping on sucker* he's lost a lot of candy
@runningmascara6: I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole..
@JohnLyonTweets: Jiminy Cricket: [singing] Always let your conscience be your g– Me: *sprays insect repellent*