@schumyxxx: When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?", I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too?".
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@NicestHippo: "Can you explain this Gap in your work history?" Yes that's when I worked for the popular clothing retailer
@LisaACOTA: Dollar Tree clerk asked me to fill out a survey to maybe win a $500 gift card and I was like I don't need to own a whole dollar store thanks
@TheMichaelRock: Me: did you get into my weed again? Wife *dipping a pop tart in ranch dressing* what?
@Book_Krazy: *In the elevator* Guy: Good morning ladies. You two going down? Me: No. We're just friends Guy: ....