@schumyxxx: When the hostess at the restaurant says "table for two?", I always like to look surprised and whisper "you can see her too?".
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@shkeeber: My bank has informed me that Twitter followers can not be used as collateral for a car loan. You guys are useless.
@panmidwest: FRIEND: hey while I'm on vacation can you come over and feed the cat? ME: FRIEND: ME: to what?
@shariv67: Why do they even bother calling him 007, when the first thing he does is introduce himself using his REAL NAME?
@E_lok44: So I was coloring my few, grey hairs with a sharpie and Hubby walked in. He told me, I'm the reason for warning labels on small appliances.