@scorpicpanda: When the imaginary zebras start sawing off your legs, it's time to lay off the hard stuff.
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@stevevsninjas: Named my band Scheduled for Demolition so whenever it appears on a marquee, confused people write angry letters to the city council.
@stuckinaportal: look son, i kinda need you to go to hong kong & win a martial arts tournament to the death for me because i sorta told my neighbor you did
@MissNaughty1801: *on the phone Him: where are you?! Me: I'm just waiting for the train Him: hurry up Me:...no problem. I'll be waiting faster
@ticknada: Girls holding hands with gay guys, you don't fool me. Oh that's your bf. You still don't fool me.