@HatfieldAnne: When the instructions say so easy a child could do it, I assume you mean one of those genius 12-year-olds who double major at MIT.
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@sploosk: ME: I need to pee really bad TEACHER: can you hold it? ME: probably not. my hands aren't very good at retaining liquid
@dreamthievin: People who bend down to pick up a thread instead of running over it with the vacuum 37 times, what's it like to exercise?
@XplodingUnicorn: [hardware store] Me: Let me do the talking. This is man stuff Wife: Fine Clerk: Can I help you? Me: I need a whacker thingy to hit nails
@DonQuickoats: I wonder if they sell tumbleweeds on eBay, as it would be cool to have a few following me around the office wherever I go