@man_spach: When the internet is down I turn my bed into a make-believe boat and play Life of Pi with the cat
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@10InchesPlus: So in The Matrix they feed you the liquified remains of the dead through a tube but you get to sleep and be online all day? I'm listening.
@TellingTellers: An interrogator that just goes into the room and loudly eats a peach until the suspect confesses to everything.
@ComedicBust: *Speed Dating* Me: What'd you have for lunch? Her: Funny you should ask, I had this really great salad wit... Me: NEXT!!
@SICKOFWOLVES: I JUST WANT A JOB WHERE I CAN SIT ABSOLUTELY STILL AND IF ANYONE DISTURBS ME I GET TO SCREAM