@causticbob: When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
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@TheBoydP: Today is national pet day. There is no touching of people in national pet day. I know this now.
@KattsDogma: If I owned a Brazilian waxing joint, I'd call it Pubic's Cube or The Razor's Edge or Hedging Your Bets or Getting a Leg Up or Bush League or
@KirstenCatClub: [God Creating Raccoons] God: make a panda but a trash panda, then give it a mask so that people would know it will kill them for their food
@ArfMeasures: [Bank] ROBBER: Look, as long as everyone is cool, no-one will die *I walk in* ROBBER [picks up gun] well, guess what, everyone