@causticbob: When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
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@ilovepie84: I can help anyone quit smoking by spraying them with hair spray as they light their cigarette.
@FuckabillyRex: Gave a lady on the bus my seat and then sang Coldplay's Yellow to her and it was so emotional she had to get off at the next stop. ❤
@LackOfShame: While sitting on the beach, 16 told me he is going to go under the pier with his girlfriend and catch crabs. They grow up so fast.