@causticbob: When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again.
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@hello_saylor: A great vocabulary is such a turn on. A guy used the word "bifurcated" during a meeting and I almost threw my panties at him.
@Jenny4ashley: Am I relying on you to cover up all these blood stains after murdering my ex? BLEACH I MIGHT BE
@WilliamAder: Doctor: Have you quit smoking yet? Me: Has there been a string of unsolved murders in the news? Doctor: No. Me: Then, no, I haven't.
@Brianhopecomedy: You ever had garbage in one hand but you accidentally throw out the thing that you want in your other hand? LOL. Anyways, the baby's ok.