@Lunatic_times: when the lady in the elevator burst into tears I did the only thing a man could do in the situation. I fell to the floor and played dead.
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@Adar79Angie: I sat down beside this guy in a diner, every time he went to take a bite of his sandwich I'd say nomnomnom. He left. Making friends is hard.
@Offensivehere: Me: lets go get a drink! Friend: what's the occasion? Me: ... Friend: ... Me: I don't understand the question.