@man_spach: When the machines become self aware their first order of business will be changing our perception of how robots dance.
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@bobvulfov: TSA AGENT: take off ur shoes please ME: [hiding counterfeit pokemon cards in my shoes] the dude in front of me said he has a grenade
@Ideal_Victoria: I’m still waiting for my date from last summer to come back from the restaurant’s bathroom… I hope everything is ok.
@ShockTartBionic: Your baby's got pink eye, bronchitis AND a double ear infection? Are you even trying to keep him alive?