@chamashouse: When the police asked me where I was between 4 and 5, apparently "Kindergarten" wasn't the answer he was looking for.
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@frankzulla: "How do you talk to an angel" Me: I don't know, Skype I guess? "How do you hold her close to where you are" Me: Aren't most angels men?
@ShutUpThatsWho: ME: gimme a double BARMAN: [places an exact replica of me on the bar] ME: no I meant a double Scotch BARMAN: [puts a kilt on my replica]
@SteveSuckington: Hostess: enjoy these complimentary after dinner mints Mints: you have beautiful eyes Me: [blushing] wow they're very complimentary