@Douchekevin: When the police officer asks how much have I had to drink tonight- 'all of it' wasn't as funny to him as it was to me.
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@1CleverGirl1: If Disney movies have taught me anything, it's that the whole ENTIRE world speaks English. Including animals and inanimate objects.
@SortaBad: Age 20: Gotta get ripped for Spring Break! Age 25: Exercise reduces stress! Age 35: My doctor says I'll die immediately if I don't do this
@215potter: To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds... Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods.