@Mikecanrant: When the UPS guy hands you that pad where you digitally sign your name, you can put anything. Today I put "lame shorts" and nothing happened
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@rolldiggity: 1. Invite snowmen into your conference room. 2. Turn up heat. 3. Negotiate on YOUR terms.
@007Pepe_Rex: [15 years ago] Mom: Use protection. I'm too young to be a nana [Now] M: I'll pay for the Russian mail order bride. I WANT GRANDCHILDREN!!
@panmidwest: My lucky number is 17 so I'm really hoping that 2017 is finally going to be my year. Otherwise, I'll have to change my lucky number again.
@VanGobot: CASHIER: okay, so your total comes to $13.82, have a nice day ME (have spoken English literally every day of my entire life): THANK