@weinerdog4life: When there were a lot footprints in the sand, that was a bunch of jesus's chasing you
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@cjwerleman: Vanilla Ice arrested for grand theft. Cops say, "He jumped in the car, slammed on the gas bumper to bumper, the avenue's packed."
@Dawn_M_: My friend got a tattoo of his wife's name so I guess he loves her as much as he loves barbed wire.
@Awk0Tacoo: I covered my boyfriend's laptop in melted cheese and now he's really mad at me. I mean, what did he expect when he asked for Mac and cheese?