@weinerdog4life: When there were a lot footprints in the sand, that was a bunch of jesus's chasing you
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RBColl: FDA should require Starbucks baristas/cashiers to be calorie counters. "Here's change of 50 and that's 1,073 calories of your Venti Frap."
@LackOfShame: Always get double toppings on take out pizza so you can eat one of the toppings off as an appetizer during your drive home.
@13spencer: Ted Cruz is complaining about "liberal fascism," so I guess he's just stringing random unrelated words together, like "potato doorknob."
@Schmoodles: I will totally judge you based on your choice of breakfast cereal, you unfrosted weirdo.