@TGIJeff: When they ask me in a job interview what my greatest weakness is, I always say that I can't open my eyes under water
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@Mindless4Miles: Me: "Breath mint?" Her: "Sure." M: "Don't mean to offend." H: "None taken." M: "Great. Good to hear. Care for a push up bra?"
@TheTweetOfGod: Inside everybody there's a still, small voice seeking to guide them on their journey through life. It was put there by the CIA.
@shesxridiculous: If I was a waitress, I would plant fake engagement rings in every girls champagne glass, just to watch the boyfriends panic.