@PinchSuckBlow: When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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@garrydavenport: I name photos of me stroking animals in files called "Fireworks and big dogs.jpg" so my cats won't find them on my computer.
@davidkenny100: American: I was just at a shotgun wedding Me: How far pregnant was the bride? American: You English are insane Shotguns can't get pregnant
@MelvinofYork: Shrink: How many true friends do you believe you have? Me: Define “true friend.” Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419.