@beefman138: When they told you to 'seek attention', they meant 'medical', not 'internet', psychopath.
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@brianbowman73: Beats by Dre is such a huge success that I think he should start a sunglasses line. 50 Shades of Dre.
@JoshuaFlail: My Pops told me that you can't go around trying to save everyone. They have to save themselves. He was a terrible lifeguard.
@SantaDrinks: People often ask me, Santa, how do you deliver all those toys in one night? To which the simple answer is cocaine.