@1NTERCEPTOR_: When they were saying "we will find a good home for him" I thought they were talking about the dog,I didn't know they were talking about me!
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@thezachmaginnis: My sister told me to "take the spider out" instead of "kill" it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.
@DomBorrett: I wish I'd worked to learn another language. Only so I'd be more believable when I use language barriers as an excuse to not talk to people
@_Kim_Jongun: I'm not a god. I'm a regular guy who just happens to be immortal and perfect in every way. There's a difference.
@TheTweetOfGod: Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment.