@1NTERCEPTOR_: When they were saying "we will find a good home for him" I thought they were talking about the dog,I didn't know they were talking about me!
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@TheHyyyype: ME: how old is your son? WOMAN WHO STILL CAN'T ACCEPT THAT HER BABY HAS GROWN UP AND MOVED OUT: 288 months
@JoroPotential: If you broke up with your gf who works at a salad bar you can use the line "lettuce romaine friends" at a low cost of my student loans.
@ThePocketJustin: Sheryl Crow: This ain't no disco. This ain't no country club either. Sheryl Crow - The world's worst archaeologist.
@MrEd_EVH: *runs into long lost friend* Him- I started out on the bottom now I'm a district MGR. what do you do? Me- I disappoint people