@trevso_electric: When two girls hate each other, they say "we should DEFINITELY hang out" and then take turns shouting "definitely!" until one of them dies.
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@muskrat_john: "WHAT ARE WE TO TELL THE CHILDREN ABOUT GAYS MARRYING?" Dunno. I'll ask my 5-year-old, who just married her stuffed bear to a stuffed pony.
@OneFunnyMummy: Silent Night is my favorite song about my kids staying at their grandparent's house.
@Reverend_Scott: SON: I need lunch money. DAD: Get a job. SON: I'm in 5th grade- DAD: All I'm hearin' is excuses.
@KalvinMacleod: CAR GPS: turn left PHONE GPS: turn right C: who was that? ME: just a friend P: just a friend? ME: wait C: make an illegal U-turn ME: babe