@jonnysun: when u get caugt lying on ur resume but u still try to convince the interviewer that ur qualified for the job
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@3sunzzz: My doctor said I need to drink more water every day, so I have started putting ice cubes in my vodka.
@realHamOnWry: After I die I want the words, 'Wow, this place is twice as big as my old apartment' engraved on my urn.
@NotARatsAss: Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later.
@westofsunday: Stranger:So,you're a parent? Me: Yes,proud dad of a 5yo w/ special needs S:cool, I'm sort of a parent too, 2 dogs and a cat Me:.... Nope