@qwertying: When used as directed, Axe Body Spray makes a good substitute for tear gas.
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@ajax06: My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn't believe in reincarnation either".
@GloriaFallon123: A woman told me at dinner she liked me because I'm "not afraid to eat bread"--so I'm done with socializing for at least a year thanks
@KatrinaGibson13: Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone's cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.