@Manda_like_wine: When Wall-E first came out I was like "'what a profound statement" and now, a few years older, I'm like "gimme one of those sick chairs."
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@AnnaKendrick47: My life would be so much easier if it wasn't for that thing…God, what is that thing called…other people.
@NoTheOtherJohn: Me: Jesus. Get the kids inside Wife: What's wron- Me: *running* JUST GET THE DAMN KIDS INSIDE [a bee flies off of the lens of my binoculars]
@WhaJoTalkinBout: My signature move at family dinners is waiting for someone to put their drink down at the table & then moving it when they go to the buffet.
@JessiCanadian: My dog could not protect the house from robbers if they brought a vacuum cleaner.