@Manda_like_wine: When Wall-E first came out I was like "'what a profound statement" and now, a few years older, I'm like "gimme one of those sick chairs."
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@thomaslennon: Dropped my son for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you're supposed to pick them up?
@Kendragarden: My mom just put a pic on Facebook that says, "Share if your daughter is beautiful AND smart." She tagged my sister.
@SarcasticAlly12: A waffle is just a more considerate pancake. It's like, here, let me hold that syrup for you in these convenient boxes.