@Jessthesav: When #WasteHisTime2016 backfires on you
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@Heronhell: When I die use my body to block up a water slide. No one should have fun once I'm gone
@michaelianblack: Kim Davis becoming a Republican, dealing a huge blow to the "intolerant homophobic religious fundamentalist" wing of the Democratic Party.
@imdaintyaf: When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you, wraps a towel around itself and screams oh wait that's my neighbor haha Hi Pam!
@markydoodoo: If you press this button, you will get a piece of cheesecake but one person on earth will die so- *me already pressing button* sorry, what?