@CauseWereGuys: When we draw birds we basically just draw flying mustaches.
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@jordan_stratton: *coworker walks into bathroom, triggering the motion sensor that turns the lights on* ME: [from one of the stalls] Welcome.
@samalmightysam: ''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' -Jesus flirting in a bar
@CornOnTheGoblin: cop: we found your wife with a knife in her back me: that doesn't sound like her, she never kept a knife there