@Breadery: When we first dated I thought your freckles were dots of inexcusable cuteness. Now I can see how joined up they draw a pentagram.
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@jonnysun: when u get caugt lying on ur resume but u still try to convince the interviewer that ur qualified for the job
@JimGaffigan: When are they going to drug test the audience of "The Price Is Right."? No one should be that happy.
@KevinFarzad: I'm tired of being told to remove my card rapidly. Starting a new ATM for people who wanna remove their card at a more chill pace
@AimeeHelene1: *rolls grocery cart into open house* Ooh what a lovely lamp! *puts it in cart* An iPad! *crosses iPad off shopping list* *puts it in cart*