@TheDailySchmuck: When women go to the restroom together that's so you can make out, right?
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@MummaCrazy: "Yeah, those black pants are okay. They just need a little something. Hang on.." [rubs up against your leg] "that's better" -cats
@wife3kidsnodogs: Wife: I'm hungry! Me: I'll order pizza Wife: YOU THINK I'M FAT! Me: *whispering* Has it been 28 days already? Wife: WHAT?! Me: what what??
@MauriceBlitz: I want to invent a nap time machine, which is a time machine that takes you to times you could've napped and didn't.