@TheDailySchmuck: When women go to the restroom together that's so you can make out, right?
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@DanteEvilCat: That awkward moment when someone says "stop", and you don't know whether to respond with "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."
@OtherDanOBrien: ME: I've expressed this political opinion so clearly, there's no way anyone could misinterpret it. THE INTERNET: lmao challenge accepted
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up? Me: Yeah. Wife: Good. Me: Why? Wife: No reason. Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Here, taste this.
@GrowlyGrego: Got the invite to your wedding. Thanks! Sadly, your blatant overuse of illegible, ornate script fonts means I don't know when or where it is