@TheDailySchmuck: When women go to the restroom together that's so you can make out, right?
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@PrettiestPickle: Drinking game. Make the drunkest person in the room call in a Chinese food order. Every time they have to repeat themselves, take a shot.
@LoriLuvsShoes: How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
@weismanjake: Strange that the people who make duck face in photos are the same ones who always refuse to eat bread
@PhilJamesson: Computer: Login failed. Did you forget your password? Me: oh shi-- [Cut to my password waiting alone on the side of a soccer field]