@ocourtneyno: When you accidentally type "me" instead of "my" I read your tweets as if you are a leprechaun.
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@timdonakowski: When your great-grandchildren call you racist for thinking all monkeys look the same.
@ceejoyner: Can't you just live in the moment, Phil? Every time we kill a bison or light a fire you have to draw it in a cave with your fancy stick.
@funnyordie: Shouts out to the Trump Tower suction cup guy for being the second craziest person to ascend that building.
@RamblingMachine: I told my BF I dreamt he got me a ring for my birthday. Later, I found a wrapped box from him, with a book entitled "the meaning of dreams".