@ocourtneyno: When you accidentally type "me" instead of "my" I read your tweets as if you are a leprechaun.
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@ShawnIzadi: Walked into the bathroom and it sounded like someone was powerlifting in one of the stalls. That, or an exorcism.
@sarcasm_inc: [interview after losing a fight] "What happened out there?" I dont kn-OMG WHAT IS THAT *interviewer doesnt look* Ugh didnt work on u either
@EndhooS: [1st day at Subway] Boss: u said u'd done this before Me: [painting myself in marinara sauce] I'm really more of an abstract sandwich artist