@wesjohnson8: When you are arguing with an idiot, make sure the other person isn't doing the same thing.
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@KeetPotato: interviewer: if i said the meat here isnt real how would you sell it me: our chicken really is somethin else interviewer: welcome to subway
@iinkedZombie: I'm sorry, I’m about to lose you because I’m driving through a tunnel underwater in a canyon on an airplane while hanging up the phone.
@martyntanton: My wife told me, "I look really fat. Please make me feel better and compliment me." I said, "You have perfect eyesight."
@JasonLastname: Don't cry because it's over, smile because for a few miles they believed you were the real bus driver.