@_Water_Baby: When you are having a new mattress installed, remember to hide your "toys" BEFORE the movers arrive.
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@LaurenRP: I went outside without makeup on. A child cried and I think a bird flew into a window on purpose.
@davetureq: Ever since they started calling pole dancers "artists," I've been writing on my resume that my talents include "moving in artistic circles."
@MBittersweet25: Every time my Father in law gets trashed, he asks if I've lost weight... So naturally I bring a bottle of scotch every time we visit.