@KarenKilgariff: When you die, you walk down a tunnel of light and then that sentient paperclip from MS Word pops up and asks you what you want to do next.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@caithuls: [trying to get out of date] ME: Oh sorry, I have a missed call from 911 HIM: That's not how- ME: *mouthing* IT'S AN EMERGENCY
@thejessbess: Hey Guinevere *knight flips up his visor* Hast thou considered my proposal? Because *unsheathes blade* I'm sword of a big deal.
@Social_Mime: Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don't dress nice for him anymore.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Boss: We're all human. We all make mistakes. Me: [holds up a sign from the back of the conference room that says #NotAllHumans]