@gtfml: When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?
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@CVTBaby: When the ex saw 2 wine glasses in my sink, I hope he thought, "she shared a bottle w/ a hot guy" not "drinking alone 2 nights in a row"
@robfee: The Santa Clause (1994) A man gains a ton of weight after murdering a stranger on his roof
@michaelianblack: Finally saw the new Batman. SPOILER ALERT: the Bane character is up to no good.
@sad_tree: [getting my picture taking with the sports team mascot] "I know you're not really an armadillo"