@thenoahkinsey: When you don't even acknowledge I held a door open for you, I want to pull you back inside by your neck, and say "now let's try this again."
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@murrman5: [wife calls] did you write "make all the traps from home alone" on the calendar [me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] "no"
@ChrisHallbeck: How many Avengers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. Ant-Man and Wasp are the only ones small enough to fit inside a lightbulb.
@upsheezy: "Walk it off" does not apply to everything. Stupidity, for example. You're not walking that shit off unless it's in to oncoming traffic
@djdarrellripley: I am absolutely no good at dumping people. I couldn't even bring myself to switch drycleaners until my old one died...