@thenoahkinsey: When you don't even acknowledge I held a door open for you, I want to pull you back inside by your neck, and say "now let's try this again."
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@dafloydsta: [girlfriend sleeping over for the first time] HER: This is nice. ME: You need to move to the couch. My dog sleeps on that side.
@LuckoftheDraw86: Me: *taps one-night-stand on forehead* Unfollowed. One-Night-Stand: It doesn't work like that... Me: *taps him on forehead again* Blocked.
@jonnysun: museum guide: america was founded on july 4, 1776 me: [nodding sagely] ah yes so its a Cancer. this explains everythig
@michamontaz: Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.