@imdaintyaf: When you gaze into the abyss, the abyss also gazes into you, wraps a towel around itself and screams oh wait that's my neighbor haha Hi Pam!
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@turtledumplin: When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over. -me, right now
@Amburglar_: "Wow! Go show your mommy!" -what I say to any child talking to me for more than 11 seconds.
@FullMetalMommy: My husband brought home one happy meal for two kids. Frankly things would have been less dramatic if he'd brought home a girlfriend.