@SaxMouse: When you get to jail, challenge the biggest, baddest guy in there to rock, paper, scissors in front of all his friends
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@daemonic3: [cow pushing 5 shopping carts out of store] Ugh, why do I keep shopping for groceries on 4 empty stomachs
@fro_vo: presidents day is just a holiday created by "Big President" to get us to buy more presidents
@TheMichaelRock: No thanks, flu shot. I look forward to three days off from work and returning looking like I was on a diet for six weeks.
@Kyle_Lippert: Give a man a fish & he'll be all "WTF are you giving me a fish for? That's weird" Teach a man to fish & he'll be all "Again with the fish?"