@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."
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@NurseMurderer: My favorite part of eating alone at this trendy restaurant was when the waitress asked if I had cats because I had cat hair, "all over."
@caliluvgirl77: Grabs intercom: ANYONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO JOIN MY MILITIA, STAY HERE! WE ARE GOING TO OCCUPY THIS OLIVE GARDEN UNTIL I GET MORE BREADSTICKS
@BberrySurprise: "I do not negotiate with terrorists!" said me, everyday, multiple times a day, to my children.
@Book_Krazy: Me: It's late. I guess I'll go to bed. -My brain, who up until now has always been the logical one "Let's put up a tent in the living room"