@randomlawless: When you get to my age, your milkshake still brings boys to the yard, but they're like "I'm lactose intolerant."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@WilliamAder: I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me.
@AimeeHelene1: Ma'am...we're going to have to ask you to get off of the table. Ma'am... (me, trying to cuddle with my bacon cheese fries)
@OrigamiUndies: Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, "excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?"