@gerryhallcomedy: When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don't tell them you need it by a certain date.
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@seamussaid: the true test of a child is not how he treats his friends, but how he treats Minecraft villagers
@Gre_Gone: Praying Mantis: *attends church, devours husband* Agnostic Mantis: *stares suspiciously up at the sky, devours husband*
@moooooog35: One time I brought my kids to work with me and now my boss is way more tolerant of my drinking.