@x_xaima: When you go to the movies first thing you need to do is pour a drink in the seat in front of you so nobody can sit there..
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@bobinhiding: Look kid, its not "passing out" if I have a blanket over me. Now be a dear and turn off the kitchen lights.
@novicefather: QA Manager: And what is the protocol when an aircraft comes inbound with a suspected Ebola case? "WTF. Planes can catch this shit too?"
@Phook75: Looking at our latest Comcast bill and I can only pray that our daughter has zero aspirations for college
@KimmyMonte: *sees my husband cry as he holds our newborn son for the 1st time* wtf did that baby just say to you?