@amydillon: When you have kids, "sleeping in" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was.
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@13spencer: I keep having to remind myself that an "oral history" is not nearly as exciting as it sounds.
@Mr_Kapowski: [restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: "Will you make me the happiest man alive?" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] "Not possible"
@JasonLastname: Go into a bathroom stall and write: "For A Good Time Call Your Mother. She Misses You & Enjoys Hearing Your Voice."