@amydillon: When you have kids, "sleeping in" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was.
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@BrainFumbles: How to get a woman: 1) find one who sells cars 2) take a test drive 3) just keep driving She's yours now, plus you have a new car.
@aka_fatman: Indiana Jones: [screaming as his hand is crushed under a door] ARRGGHHH! WHY? WHY DID I REACH FOR MY HAT? I OWN SO MANY HATS!!
@oxygenplug: Can't wait for the release of Jurassic Park 4D where they just let dinosaurs loose in the theater and you have to try to survive for 2 hours
@mejustbeth: Tried to be sly and shove the whole cookie in my mouth without him seeing me. Then he turned around and asked me a question.