@LoveNLunchmeat: When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
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@JasonLastname: I hate when you forget to wear a belt and have to shoot heroin using the blood pressure machine at walgreens.
@d_duhwit: Robber: Nothin. Looks like someone's been here before us. Robber2: Ya, and they sure trashed the place. Me *from under bed*: Maybe he's just been busy.
@chrisanna4real: Twitter is like a soap opera for some of you. I'd like to be the one who sneaks into the hospital and unplugs your life support.
@usermcuserface: Remember when you were a kid and the teacher said you can be anything you want to be? Luckily I chose lower middle class and overweight.