@SteelFontana: When you have "very happily married" in your bio, we read that as "DM me about my other secret account 'cause my spouse watches this one."
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@3sunzzz: [trust fall exercise at work] CW: *closes eyes, falls, hits floor* OUCH! WTF?! YOU DIDN'T CATCH ME! M: Sorry, I thought it was optional.
@TheToddWilliams: Girl: I love Medieval Art Boy: Who doesn't? There he is now Medieval Art: Good morrow! Pray tell- How fare thee on this day of providence?
@reesespiece_: Funny how whenever I ask someone how a girl I knew is doing, the first thing they say is "married."nLike that's gonna stop me!
@AGreaterMonster: Dear Applicant, Your résumé appears to be a string of stolen tweets. Congratulations, you're our new VP of Marketing!