@cramoska: When you hug someone, think of all the poop you are just inches away from.
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@AbrasiveGhost: GOD: [as a kid] DINOSAURS! GOD: [as a teenager] You will know the profound sadness of existence, humans.
@Stellacopter: For fun I like to stir up facebook by just posting, "The funeral will be this Friday"
@lynyrdsbackyard: Mistakenly punched premium at the gas pump today and now I have to sell one of my kids to the circus.