@cramoska: When you hug someone, think of all the poop you are just inches away from.
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@dance_blessed: "You'll never get the butt you want by sitting on the one you have." -Maya Angelou
@dorkwing_duck: [PRESS CONFERENCE] Me: I'm going on the record. Yes, I'd go back in time to kill a baby Reporter: you mean Baby Hitler? Me: sure, whoever
@Parentpains: Sometimes I'll tell my wife the car is making a weird noise and I need to listen just so I don't have to hear her talk.