@bummyant: when you kill a whole pizza by yourself
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@shivillex: North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: Rapping, Son. North West: mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
@jonnysun: *dinosaur at zoo roars at me* "ROAR" whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this "GROWL" hmm "SHOUT" hmmm "YELL" hmmmmm "HOLLER" oh its a thesaurus
@Tresca69: Revenge is never as satisfying as you'd hope And the cops always come sooner then you expect
@WheelTod: Tonight playing poker with a buddy he said "Care to make this interesting?" And I said "Sure. For years I've been secretly in love with you"