@bummyant: when you kill a whole pizza by yourself
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@bingowings14: Jesus: Listen guys, why has someone written 'nail appointment' in my diary? Judas: No idea, J. No idea.
@MichaelLarrick: Being illiterate and having a girlfriend would be easy. They'd be like "did you get my text?" and you could just be like "I can't read."
@ibid78: If you whisper, "we're being watched," you can hug a stranger for as long as you want. My record is 13 days.