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@bummyant: when you kill a whole pizza by yourself
@kumailn: It's fine to eat chicken with skin but serve beef with skin and everybody just starts freaking out.
@stevemcgrew: Bam! Problem solved
@AskBellaWagner: When someone says "It is what it is," I reply, "Isn't it?" so we can both sound useless.
@ItsAllCrazyToMe: Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes
@Marlebean: *renames my kids South and East, and leaves them on Kanye's doorstep*