@bummyant: when you kill a whole pizza by yourself
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@enclaire: Bored, so I'm going to find a kid that looks like me and tell her I'm her from the future.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: My mom (seriously) asked if my friend's brother "still had down syndrome." No mother, he walked it off.
@hardlyrelevant: "If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace" (from the back) He saw Creed live in 2003
@munkayc: Bought cheap helium gas. Now boyfriend's annoying snoring doesn't make me want to kill him, but my fear of clowns has tripled..