@Parker_Simpson: When you know your about to be spammed on #tinder
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@jergarl: *goes to bank Me: Hi, I need a loan. Banker: How much and what for? Me: Seventy three thousand. I'm making guacamole for the super bowl.
@Whitnuts: I always try to tell myself that I don't actually hate people as much as I say I do...and then I go to the mall.