@Parker_Simpson: When you know your about to be spammed on #tinder
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@causticbob: In Russia, Vladimir Putin has said that the killers of Nemtsov "will be ruthlessly hunted down." He added, "It's cheaper than paying them"
@slimmy_shady: I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks. So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
@hipstermermaid: Donald Trump is like the "Scream" movies in that he blurs the line between comedy and horror.
@ZackBornstein: I can't remember a time in my life when an update for Acrobat Reader wasn't available.