@biscuitahoy: When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write "Do Not Eat" on silica gel packets.
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@weinerdog4life: Whenever you ride an elevator with other people, it's best not to mention your imaginary friends even if someone is standing on Carl.
@Matt_The_1st: Well your honor, I thought handing her the curling iron while she was showering would get her ready faster.
@deardilettante: [ brings ouija board to your grave ] "Okay, now will you tell me why her number was in your phone?"