@biscuitahoy: When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write "Do Not Eat" on silica gel packets.
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@SabotagedSmoke: Tried to challenge the guy in the stall next to me to a thumb war, now he's holding my hand & crying about his childhood. I need to wipe.
@joejwest: ROOMMATE: Big date later? ME: [combs hair] Yes R: Where? M: [fixes tie] The woods R: Is it with a bear again? M: [dabs honey behind ears] No
@daemonic3: [dj voice] "Make some noise, Dad Party!" *dads go nuts* "Whatcha wanna hear, I'm taking requests" [in unison] HI TAKING REQUESTS I'M DAD
@Awk0Tacoo: I can't get mad when I hear babies screaming in public because honestly, I feel the same way sometimes.