@biscuitahoy: When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write "Do Not Eat" on silica gel packets.
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@dulcetry: One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said "friggity diggity" please do not rt
@daveexplosm: Dogs lick each other's butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
@caribbeankris: I've kept my tamagotchi alive for the past 15 years, so yeah Mom, I know what it's like to raise an "ungrateful little prick"
@Phook75: As I drop my child off to her first day of school it reminds me of how my mom dropped me off as well...except mom was ticketed for littering