@HatfieldAnne: When you offer me cookies, act surprised when I take one. Declare loudly you’ve never seen me eat dessert before.
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@colegamble: The strangest thing happened. A coworker who always says, "Living the dream" was mysteriously stabbed 37 times in the neck with my car keys.
@EyeSeeYou619: I like to weed out the riffraff in the bar by playing $37 worth of David Bowie songs on the jukebox.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Just gave this idiot a thumbs up for cutting me off, and I think I might not understand road rage.