@EffdotEss: When you pick a name for your kid, type it in Microsoft Word first. If the red squiggly line shows up, please reconsider.
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@AnkCoupleTO: *first date* Me: Tell me more about you Her: *crazy eyes* WELL I HAVEN'T STABBED ANYONE LATELY Me: *deletes Tinder* Let's get married!
@trevso_electric: If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
@NintenDom: Just so we're all clear: NASA is getting a direct feed from a robot on Mars, but I still can't make a cell phone call from my basement.