@soturntaliens: When you start a business but you have a life also.
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@1evilidiot: If Adrian Peterson is getting indicted for spanking his kid with a stick my mom should get the electric chair.
@Angrytrashman: I grew up in a time where your mothers saliva was the most powerful cleaning agent around.
@EddieHarris216: TSA agent: Step aside sir. I need to pat you down. Me: Hang on. (Sets up pottery wheel) (Turns on unchained melody) Let's do this.
@truegritrumble: ME: Close your eyes, I got you a birthday present. SPOUSE: *closes eyes* Oh? ME: Remember how you told me you love Daft Punk? SPOUSE: No. I said I’d love for you to stop listening to Daft Punk in the car. ME: *nervously* Oh *Daft Punk slowly rises from behind the couch*