@Death_Buddy: When you swallow a spider in your sleep, eat some dead flies the morning after to ensure the spider gives you a positive Trip Advisor rating
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@Sarcasticsapien: The best thing about going on a date with a sarcastic person is that no matter what happens they're going to tell you they had a great time.
@shariv67: Got so wasted last night, had to take a train home. And now I can't figure out how to return it.
@IamEnidColeslaw: Why aren't the people in old timey photos ever smiling? Because they were in constant danger of getting eaten by dinosaurs. READ A BOOK.