@_steamy_mac: When you take up carpentry but hate birds so you have lots of birdhouses with tiny little, “No Vacancy,” signs.
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@QwertyJones3: [College admissions office] "Sorry sir you can't transfer your street cred for college credits" ME: that's wack
@FuckabillyRex: I cross-bred an octopus and a panda. Let me know if you're interested in a pretty amazing hug.
@pmclellan: My family doctor says "you really need to lose weight," and my witch doctor says "moh ki kaa raa." I think I'll just moh ki kaa raa tbh.