@TheTweetOfGod: When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it means you've been using Apple Maps.
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@smhsid: i just watched a girl in class look confused during the lecture then literally open up her laptop and change her major
@AndyAsAdjective: [my kid, literally every school morning] "I hate mornings. I'm not getting up" [1st day of summer vacation] "dad, can we watch the sunrise"
@markedly: My girlfriend once made me change because I was wearing green pants with a blue shirt. "You look like the earth," she said.