@TheTweetOfGod: When you walk through the valley of the shadow of death, it means you've been using Apple Maps.
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@TheBoydP: I don't understand why they named it "sandpaper" when the obvious name "office toilet paper" was right there in front of them.
@1BigMick: When I drop my son off at school I do one arm pushups at the entrance to let the other dads know that's what's up. But they're all at work.
@DanielRCarrillo: Raid™: For when you don't want to kill ants, but want to make them late for something.
@LuckoftheDraw86: I dropped my iPhone under the bed once so I get it, moms that lift cars off their babies, I get it.