@SlabBaconBP: When you write lyrics as bad as "I got soul but I'm not a soldier" it's important to repeat it exactly 10 times in a row so nobody misses it
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@dadofbieber: Daughter 1: Dad, I'm lesbian. Daughter 2: Me too dad. Dad: Doesn't anyone like guys here? Son: I do?.
@IronballsMcGinT: A man was arrested for publicly exposing himself to the "wrong person," which implies somewhere out there the right person is waiting.
@Laser_Cat: The best way to get a job is to hold the other person's hand through the interview. If you don't get hired, no worries. You made a friend.
@PinkCamoTO: Autocorrect changed "you flatter me" to "you flatten me" and shit just got really weird.